And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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