I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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