I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dick very happy bro
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
