Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
