it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
