I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Floor bacon is actually really good
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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