Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
