this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize