I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
