We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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