He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
