shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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