Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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