i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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