I wish I could teleport
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
