Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize