nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
