Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
