We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
