also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
