weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I skipped work to stalk him.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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