Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
