he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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