My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
