Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
this hospital has no fireball
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
