My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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