I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
