You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
