Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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