Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
