It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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