I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
