You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
