There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
