I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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