the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
