Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
