areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
