maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
