Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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