I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
