if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize