girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
