How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
