Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize