Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
