so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
