I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
