found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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