either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
