I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
