Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
