We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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