I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
