So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
