And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
