1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
