Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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