she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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