Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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