Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
