She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
