im about as happy as oj after his trial
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
