you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
