if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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