Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
