i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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