Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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