Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
