Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize