you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
