shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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