I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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