Sponge bath it is.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
