If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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