we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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