He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
