Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
