I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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