felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
