sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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