According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
