You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
