I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
