like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
