when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
