Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
