Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
