sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
