please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize