Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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