allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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