There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize