just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
