I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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