Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
