dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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