hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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