I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
