he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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