im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
