barbara walters just said penis...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
