He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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