Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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