If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
