So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
