her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
