Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
